ARE YOU GUILTY? JOAN’S TOP 5 EDITING SUGGESTIONS!
As an editor, I see a lot of manuscripts cross my desk. And I see a lot of boo-boos and infractions committed by authors. Some very common, some very unique. So what’s the top five corrections/suggestions I make during edits?
# 1
Out of breath, Sarah ran for her life. Her life was in grave danger as she ducked into the woods from the road. She ducked under a thick branch, gravely scared.
Don’t repeat words in close succession. Repetitive words make your writing clunky. They slow the reader down. They show a lack of variety in your vocabulary.
Out of breath, Sarah ran as if the devil were on her heels. Her life was in grave danger as she fled into the woods from the road. She ducked under a thick branch, heart beating in terror.
As a rule of thumb—for simple, common words, try not to repeat them within 2-3 paragraphs. For more unique words, don’t repeat them for at least a page or two!
# 2
She ran through the thick forest. She was out of breath due to her asthma. Her heart beat a mile an hour. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know where to run to. Sarah only knew she couldn’t let him catch her.
Don’t just vary your words, vary your sentence structure! Many, many years ago, when I was just an aspiring author myself, a critique partner said to me, “You know, you don’t have to start every sentence with a pronoun.” How right she was!
Each of the sentences above start with a pronoun—he, she, her, his, the character’s name. I see this often in manuscripts. In fact, I recommend an author avoid starting a sentence with a pronoun—do so no more than every paragraph or so. There are two lessons in this: varying sentence structure and avoiding telling versus showing. By beginning sentences in a variety of ways, you delve deeper into the characters POV.
Desperate to escape, she ran through the thick forest. Heart beating a mile an hour, she fought to fill her lungs against the asthma kicking in. What should she do? Where did she run? No matter what, Sarah couldn’t let him catch her.
Aha! Doesn’t that read 100 percent better? You are now right in the character’s mind and your words flow.
# 3
It was like death was at her heels. The man that followed her wasn’t going to give up.
Two easy grammar fixes that I make over and over.
The use of “like” in the first sentence is actually slang, so while acceptable in dialogue (because characters can speak in slang) you otherwise want to use the correct “as if.”
It was as if death were at her heels.
(Note: was also gets changed to were, because it is subjunctive.)
Secondly, in the following sentence—a man is not a “that.” A man, a woman, a child—these are not objects. They are people. So the correct sentence should read:
The man who followed her wasn’t going to give up.
# 4
Now for the topic of punctuation, specifically, dialogue punctuation. Here’s an easy rule of thumb—if the character is saying the words directly (she said, she whispered, etc) then it is all one sentence, and therefore a comma is used.
Incorrect: “Joan, eat your sandwich.” Her mother said.
Correct: “Joan, eat your sandwich,” her mother said.
Another example:
Incorrect: “Joan,” her mother pleaded. “Please eat your sandwich.”
Correct: “Joan,” her mother pleaded, “please eat your sandwich.”
Now, if an action follows dialogue, it is, in fact, a separate sentence.
Incorrect: “Joan, spinach is good for you,” Mother heaped tons of green gunk in her bowl.
Correct: “Joan, spinach is good for you.” Mother heaped tons of green gunk in her bowl.
# 5
Last but not least, weak words. Whenever possible, banish these words from your writing:got, reached, saw, looked, it, and was. A stronger word is always better, so don’t let your writing become lazy!
Poor: Mark got a pot and poured water in it.
Better: Mark obtained a pot and poured it half full of water.
Poor: Sara reached for his hand and squeezed it.
Better: Sarah snatched his hand and squeezed in reassurance.
Poor: She saw the rainbow. It was pretty.
Better: A rainbow stretched across the sky. What a beautiful reminder of God’s love.
So are you guilty? I think, to a certain extent, we are make these common blunders now and again. Even myself! But train yourself to remember these rules of writing, and your manuscript will shine!
Have a question? Ask away! I will be here from 12-3 p.m. eastern.
Have a pitch you’d like to share with me? Email it to contact@prismbookgroup.com, where I’ll also be hanging out and responding to all!
Joan Alley
www.prismbookgroup.com
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