Tuning the String

http://www.longridgewritersgroup.com/rx/wc11/action_tags.shtml

Writing Craft - Craft

Mary Rosenblum has published eight novels in mystery and science fiction as well as more than sixty short stories in major publications, in all genres.  She also writes nonfiction and is a Long Ridge instructor as well as Web Editor. 

Tuning the String

            We could completely change this scene, simply by changing the action tags.  Let’s reverse the emotional content here and we’ll set the scene in an entirely new place. 

            “Hi.”  Jane threaded her way through the crowded tables of the little sidewalk café.  “Nice to see you.” 

            “How long has it been?” Daren stood, grinning and pulled out a chair.  “Two years?”

            “More like three.” Jane sighed gratefully as she sank into the shaded chair.  “How have you been?”

            “Okay.” Daren nodded at a passing waiter.  “I missed you, you know.  You didn’t leave me any note or anything.  You just left.”

            “Yeah.”  Jane made a face as the waiter set two glasses on the table and poured the champagne.  “You know.  I was just reacting.”

            Here we have exactly the same dialogue, not a word different, but what a different scene, eh?  Here, we have a sidewalk café and it’s clearly summer if that shade makes her grateful.  Daren is not confronting her, here.  She comes to him where he’s sitting at the table.  He grins as he stands and pulls out a chair for her.  She still left without leaving a note, but the champagne that waiter is pouring suggests a pleasant reunion between former lovers than a confrontation.  Jane’s admission this time has the feel of an apology made long after the fact, when both parties have moved on.  

            This is the power of action tags.  They can set the scene and more importantly, they can dramatically deepen the characterization.  Without them, the scene is shallow and the readers are left to guess at the emotional undertones of the exchange.  Each reader will bring his or her experiences to bear on that dialogue scene and the outcome might not be what you, the author, intended. 

            In all three examples, the dialogue is exactly the same, word for word.  Look at the differences between those three examples.  Next time you write a dialogue scene, throw out that list of ‘alternative words’ your high school teacher handed you in English class and instead, simply show us your speaker in action.