Can You Recognize Gaslighting If/When It Happens To You?

 Gaslighting is a term used concerning mental and emotional abuse. It's when a narcissistic abuser does something to make one question their sanity for the purpose of breaking the target. I'll give an example.

I was very naive when I was in a relationship with my ex. I don't know why, but for the majority of the years I was with him, I believed him when he told me he loved me. It didn't matter that (looking back) he displayed most if not all the signs of being a narcissist.

When we bought our home, friends threw us a housewarming party and we'd received some very considerate gifts. One was a set of replicas paintings of an older couple sitting across the table from each other, both in a praying pose. One picture was of the man, the other his wife. I kept them in my living room.

One day I noticed the woman's picture was missing, but I didn't think anything of it. I have no idea why. Perhaps it was because I had other things on my mind, such as why my now-ex would tell me he loved me yet acted like he despised me.

I never saw that painting again. And it wasn't until years after I left him that I figured out my ex had possibly been trying to gaslight me (make me question my sanity). I mean, the pictures probably cost around $10 each at the time, so no one would steal one and not the other, not that anyone would be interested in stealing them. What other reasonable explanation could there be? (Remember, when you're dealing with a possible narcissist, there's no such thing as reasonable or logical). It never even occured to me to ask my ex where it might have gone. Now I wonder what he might have said if I had asked.

There were other unexplained instances where things went missing or mysteriously broke. My parents had given me a very nice mantle clock. It chimed Westminster Quarters at the top of the hour during the day, but not the evening. All of a sudden, not long after being gifted it, the clock stopped working. I still have the clock, but every attempt to fix it has been futile.

As far as I know, it was never dropped. I was always very careful to handle it according to the instructions. But one thing I do know, my ex had countless opportunities to tamper with my things without me knowing. Do I have proof? No.

That's the thing with gaslighting, there's usually little to no evididence of what's going on, just suspicions--unless the gaslighter is caught in the act or secretly recorded. Gaslighting is intended to drive the gaslightee crazy. Why? Who knows. 

I've since healed from that relationship. When I think back to those days, I don't get angry, I simply shake my head and realize how blessed I am to have escaped that relationship without my brains being scrambled by head games. 

If you're in an abusive relationship, talk to someone. Get help! For seven of the ten years I was with my ex, I didn't tell anyone what was going on or what I was experiencing. That's exactly what the abuser wants; your silence. Looking back, leaving that relations was the best thing I ever did.

Was it easy? No! But my sanity, my life, were worth the struggles that followed. I'm a stronger person for it, much wiser when it comes to dealing with people.

Mental health is every bit as vital as physical health. Guard it with your life!